The Weight of the Galaxy
by Girlbender875
Summary: The Clone War was kind to no one, especially those who had more responsibility to worry about. Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker finds it hard to cope after a long battle. Short vignette.


**Hey, all. I should technically be studying right now, lol, but whatever. I've been suffering from anxiety/depression all semester (studying hard core science in a top notch research university _sucks_), so Anakin's become a really relatable character to me, haha... just figured I'd rant it out through a vignette. After all, the guy did have a heck of a lot to worry about. **

**I rated this K+ but there's technically one word that's probably not very kid friendly... aside from that it's just dark themes. Anyway, enjoy. :)**

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><p>It was dark and cold. The sound of blaster fire had finally subsided, but he wasn't sure he preferred silence. During the battle his adrenaline would be pumping. During the battle he could forget. During the battle the only thing that mattered was the fight, right then and there. There was no time to consider how much hell he had gone through, no time to consider how much more was to come, no time to consider that there seemed to be no end to this misery. It was just him against the bad guys.<p>

At least killing made sense.

The silence didn't last long; a drizzle started and eventually turned into pouring rain. It was a cold rain, and he began to shiver. He figured he should go inside to check on his men, but he didn't want to go back there. He didn't want to have to face the war again. Out here he was alone, which was how he preferred it; dealing with people became more and more exhausting and time consuming. He always had something to do, and just talking to people was enough to take away from time he could be using on something else… but he never had the energy to do whatever that _something else_ was. Besides, he couldn't face the war right now. He couldn't go back to the base and see everything that he had to worry about; battles, troops, lives, the safety of a planet, of a Republic, of a _galaxy_. It was just too much.

It was _too much_.

His shivers increased. So did the rain. He figured he'd get so cold he'd freeze. The deafening sound from the sky opening up above him began to grate on his nerves. He came out here for _quiet_.

Well at least he was still alone.

Sometimes he wondered if he should try talking about it. Sometimes he _wanted_ to talk about it. But he just _couldn't_. He didn't want to show this sort of weakness to anybody. He didn't want people to think he was incapable of handling the pressure. He didn't want to disappoint them. He just _couldn't_.

The rain was growing annoying. Even seeking peace left him restless nowadays. Couldn't he just get some blasted quiet anywhere?!

Pausing, he tilted his head upward and closed his eyes, letting the rain wash down his face. He tried imagining that it would wash his cares away too, but he only felt all the more agitated. Nothing was helping. Nothing _ever_ helped anymore. Even things he used to take pleasure in only made him more stressed. Whenever he tinkered on anything these days he'd spend all his time thinking that he was only delaying the inevitable, thereby putting even more pressure on himself. If he delayed what had to be done, it meant he had more to do in less time, but the more he thought about it the less he wanted to do it.

His chest tightened and he got a headache. His world began to spin. He sighed heavily; this had been happening way too often. If he wasn't careful people would start noticing. He wished they would. But he wished they wouldn't.

This rain was really starting to piss him off.

Lowering his head so he stared at the ground, he squeezed his eyes shut, listening to the rain. He stilled his shivering muscles, and focused all his energy on the rain. _I can handle this_…

As his focus increased he began to feel relaxed for the first time in forever. The stress was held at bay. He felt lighter than he had in weeks. He could handle this. He _could_. Confidence made itself known to him, ever so softly, and he continued to focus on the rain, thinking of nothing else. Nothing else mattered in that moment. It was just him out there, and he had to do this one task.

He lifted his hand abruptly. The sound suddenly stopped. The rain was hovering in midair, held by his power in the Force. When he opened his eyes, he saw the droplets individually, glittering like crystals. It wasn't raining anywhere anymore. He walked through it slowly, trying to maintain his focus. It was working. _It was working!_

But his mind began to wander. His energy began to fade. His focus began to slip. And the restlessness returned. One droplet quivered. Another began to fall. He tensed every muscle in his body, he tried _so hard_ to maintain it, but five seconds after he had attained this state it was gone, and the rain all fell on top of him like a tidal wave. He collapsed onto his hands and knees, completely soaked, drowning in his own attempt to help himself.

He was the Chosen One. He was the Hero with No Fear. He was the top general in the entire military. He was a Jedi Knight.

"I can't carry it all… I _can't_…"

He wished people would notice. But he really didn't want them to.

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><p><strong>Sorry if this wasn't very coherent...<br>**


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